Hell and Healing: An experimental transition

I have been managing an intensive detoxification with a busy schedule that few can comprehend. I began piecing together my own redemption when I stopped looking for a savior. I had to stop wasting my time in the death museum, deficient of love for myself and others. The Great Mourning was beginning to shift into a New Paradigm. The personal  revolution I waged within was to  humbly going as far as I was able to, past the line of fire. 


I had come to understand that in this war there ain’t no Cavalry, so I strapped on my boots, gathered all of the strength I could muster, and dug in to dig out of the trench that had become my confinement.

I flow through the streams to a new level of consciousness guided by the echoes of the ancestral gods of nature. I do not concern myself with doubt or fear of failure or success, as I seek only to overcome the apathy  and ignorance of a toxic haze .

“If I’m unloved I have unloved to” -Florence and the Machine


Image result for Ut Vibrance ingredient label

I have begun some micro doses of a few herbs along with a very powerful
supplement for a nasty infection. I had to wait for weeks to have the funds to treat the infection more aggressively with a power packed three day intake of a supplement called UT Vibrance.

In the meanwhile I began the transition onto an intensive protocol of a regenerative
detoxification. This has required many hours of research and radical shifts in my diet and daily habits. I began getting hit hard about five days into this transition and have been managing a steady, slow to moderate pace from that point forward. The benefits have far outweighed the intensely painful symptoms of detoxification.images (4)

I slowly converted to a primarily raw vegan based diet,
eliminating anti-nutrients one by one. I had been eating eggs due to severely taxed adrenals, while eating a high fat and protein diet. I made a big modification by daily increasing the proportions and variety of fruits that I consume daily. I cut proteins and fats to a low intake while refraining from cooking a majority of meals. I eat raw flax, sunflower and hemp seed, avocados, and small amounts of coconut oil.

I now eat fruit throughout the morning with a salad and raw veggies for lunch. I spend the later afternoon again snacking on fruits before consuming a cooked meal of select baked or steamed vegetables in the evening.

I find that keeping a food journal and calorie counter app very helpful with this task. I try to build up the amount of calories I can get in each day, primarily eating mono meals, as I continue learning and adjusting my diet. Once restoring some kidney function I will move into the next phase….

Click here to the see a basic outline of what and how I eat (though I still eat small amounts of seeds at the moment)

Today I have eaten:

  • 1 green smoothie of kale/beet greens, banana, peaches, spirulina and apple juice
  • 5 bananas
  • 1 cup of red raspberries
  • 2 oranges
  • 3 cups of grapes
  • 1 large cucumber with lemon juice and sea salt
  • 3 cups of watermelon
  • Salad of green leaf lettuce, radishes, avocado, ginger, lime juice and sea salt (with digestive enzyme)
  • Baked delicata squash with lite coconut oil, garlic and sea salt and
    Steamed zucchini with raw garlic, hemp seed, sea salt, and white pepper (with digestive enzyme)
****On some nights I eat baked sweet potato 
  • Nine cups of mineralized reverse osmosis water
  • 1 cup of coconut water
  • 2 cups of mango juice
  • 1/4 cup concentrated elderberry and rose hip tea

As funds permit I have been slowly adding in herbal tincture blends of:

  • Milk Thistle
  • Burdock Root
  • Yellow Dock
  • Dandelion Root
  • Oregon grape root
  • Ginger Root
  • Red Clover Blossoms
  • Nettles Leaf
  • Red Root

I sat next to my bed writing in silence for 6 hours this morning into noon, pausing for breaks of nutrition and self-care. In an endless game of chess I have learned to cast away the entangling thoughts of what I should be doing in these moments. I need time to stop thinking so much and process the data and emotions that enter into my mind.

This afternoon I bathed in magnesium water so hot that my exposed skin broke into a sweat while I felt the increase of circulation. Followed by taking my daily short walk in the sun, saying a brief hello to the few neighbors that crossed my path. I ignore the stares as I walk down the street in a fresh pair of pajamas.

Exhausted I go to lay in bed but I do not want to take the shining sun for granted, as the seasons are changing with autumn on the horizon. I remember to feed my soul with sunshine as I linger in its rays reading Hafiz.

every song the heart should cry with magnificent dignity
to know itself as God:
for all other knowledge will leave us again in want and aching –
only imbibing the glorious Sun
will complete us.
I have come into this world to experience this: men so true to love
they would rather die before speaking an unkind word,
men so true their lives are His covenant –
the promise of hope.
I have come into this world to see this:
the sword drop from men’s hands
even at the height of their arc of rage
because we have finally realized
there is just one flesh we can wound.
From ‘Love Poems From God’ by Daniel Ladinsky 

I keep my focus on a balanced state of healing for my body, mind, heart and soul. I ease into a state of grace during these moments of silent solitude, reflecting on the demanding pace of the last month. Regardless of criticism, I choose my list of responsibilities with great care and pay close attention to how I spend my energy.

I do not concern myself with time as I have no anticipated arrival upon a final destination. I do not need all of the answers spoken for me while my head rides among the clouds, where known unknowns are revealed.


The love of the universe soothes the fears of the foggy bottoms like a warm blanket
weighted down by outside forces offering a sheltering refuge. The battle breaking lends a brief moment of calm within the eye of the storm. My head sinks momentarily below the surface where the sound pitch deepens into a parallel world of flowing fluidity.

The drums throbbing from below echo a new battle cry.
A horizon where the sun rises and sets in the space between heaven and hell, as I face the reality that there is no easy way out.

“I tried to control my shaking
With just one sound
I tried to warm the ocean
By writing it down
I tried to tame my nightmare
Line by line”
Florence and the Machine

I embrace the war of pain as I free myself from the shackles of an imprisoned body and society, where everyday I see blinded legions of people sicken themselves, as they seek a out of it. In these mindless hours I have been hot with many questions, thoughts and ideas. The nagging voice whispering echoes of what I need to get accomplished. I push these thoughts away as today I will let life float on by, this mind and body too tired to swim to the shore. Merrily merrily merrily merrily…life is but a dream.


-The Dream Pablo Picasso “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away”.

Today I have spent several hours doing nothing much at all. I have spent time looking at some art online and scrolling sporadically through social media, spending many hours in mindless thinking. 

In silent solitude I seek out the guides to process and make sense of all that has transpired during the last month, as well as the years that have led to this present moment.

I live a very passionate life and the flames that fuel my soul fires rage within me daily. My days spent here will be spent consistently unbinding myself from the worldly laws of a godless humanity, while embracing the laws of the of nature god.

I choose to live hard, full, and free with limitations that anchor me into the flesh of existence. I embrace this resistance as a guide, my compass on this solo journey. We are bound and yet travel alone to the core of our human experience.

I find this to be rapturously glorious as I am bedazzled by a spectrum of emotions in the shadows cast by the sun shining through the storm. There is a home for the sorrow that balances the spaces between the world of darkness and illumination.

I find no need to hear the sounds of man on stereo speakers or monitor screens, these are not moments of monotony. I cannot fathom boredom as there is a world of unknown discovery just beyond the windowpane.

The crickets are creaking in the day with the overcast skies as the breeze wafts about the smoke of sage filling in the air. Purifying the smell of decay from the industrious worlds death and destruction.

The birds sing a few songs here and there, providing cameo performance in the production of the overcast day. Warming my body next to a small heater, I begin rocking softly to and fro with a comfort that feels like floating upon soft swells upon a weightlessness ocean. 

I have been on fire and in need of connecting my mind to the natural sounds of silence in disconnected thoughts, a necessary time out from critical thinking.

I reflect on the immense love I experience on this journey with a joy that escapes my mouth as a giggle shared with the Gods of the land, sky, and sea.

In the world floating past I see such beautiful souls upon the lands beyond the breaking waves. The energy from their arms and hands send into the sky a breeze of love that fans my face with a cooling delight.

The light of the energy they shine upon me blazes bright in the sun while I bask in it’s glorious light. Stars of every size shine from the eyes of these souls, lighting up the night skies of this journey of solitude. “Ain’t life grand”, I call out to them?

I find great joy in the unique aloneness of the human experience. Each being a reflection of the jigsaw of the universe, displaying the grandest artscape of a cosmic hyper nova event. The radical shifts manifest a black hole where I dwell in the collapsing space between silence and sound.

The darkness contrasting with the spectrum of colors cast a rainbow onto the grey ceiling of the sky. In the kaleidoscope of confused colors I find a temporary state of simplicity, within the restricted sunlight.

The guidance of the sun balancing the moon that offers luminance to the shadows of the night.

Suspended afloat in an ocean of exhilarating calm, the electrical current below buzzes my eyes open to gaze in a breath of calm.

The above clouds blanketing a new canvas of erased thoughts, while breathing in a fresh start into the Unknown.


Thank You and Healing Vibes to All!!!!


2 thoughts on “Hell and Healing: An experimental transition

Add yours

  1. I have gone to a diet very similar to yours in that it is primarily vegan. This came about as I became more spiritually aware and had an increased connection to faith during my floxing illness. I read a book called Medical Medium by Anthony William and although I changed my diet many times post flox this has been by far the best most healing diet I have followed. I began a group called Floxies for the Medical Medium to discuss protocols and share the healing power of fruits/veggies. Thank you for sharing! I also have a blog called; betsysmessage.com where I write messages of hope. I look forward to hearing more about your healing journey.

    Liked by 1 person

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